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PARENTING CYBER TEENS
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Now a days, television and video games are ubiquitous in our children's lives. The question is how much time can be safely spent on watching TV or playing video games without the deleterious effects. This is a difficult question to answer. A rule of thumb to follow is that TV and video games should not interfere with what children are supposed to accomplish-that is, learn skills and socialize. Spending too much time watching TV can make children passive and unimaginative and also decrease time spent with peers. TV and video games should be monitored so that they are used as recreation and pro mote learning partners.
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There is a similar problem with the use of the Internet as well. While access to pornographic sites is something we don't want children and adolescents to freely have, what can be more dangerous and unhealthy is chatting on the Internet with strangers and becoming easy prey to sexual predators in cyberspace. What's even worse is the accessibility of cellular phones were chatting and texting leads to meeting other people and blind dating.
Philippine Psychiatric Association(PPA) discussed about Parenting the Adolescent during the PPA second media forum at Annabel's restaurant recently with speakers Dr. Cynthia R. Leynes, together with other panelists, Dr. Felicitas A. Soriano and Dr. Georgina C. Oliver.
According to the experts, every stage of the child's life brings on different characteristics and needs. Parenting therefore needs to be dynamic and responsive. It demands from the parents the ability to shift parenting techniques according to the needs of the child.
The most challenging period in raising children that every parent encounters, according to them, would be the stage of adolescence. Adolecence is stereotyped as tumultuous and stormy, and the adolescent as moody and unpredictable. What is it that parents fear about this stage? Most parents would be quick to identify two major concerns-adolescent rebellion and adolescent sexuality.
The unpredictability of adolescents confuses many parents about the stance they must take during this period. While adolescents are ambivalent about moving away, parents also experience the anxiety of letting go.
Two out of 10 adolescents (and their parents!) go through a tumultuous phase. They fail to navigate through the air pockets and storms in life. Since adolescence is a period of experimentation, there are always areas of conflict and issues that inevitably arise from this period. Some of the behaviors that trouble parents may be normal symptoms of growing up. However, responsible parents have to be alert to the possibility that the behavior may indicate trouble. The following are common points of conflict between adolescents and their family and the community:
Sibling rivalry
Academic underachievement! overachievement
Peer pressure, rejection and persecution
Dating and pre-marital sex
Lust, masturbation and pornography
Homosexuality
Alcohol, drugs, smoking and gambling
Video games, the Internet, movies, television shows and cell phones
The social hierarchy is intensified when one is a teenager. It can be complex, rigid and unforgiving. The self-worth of teenagers is often times measured according to who they are, who they like, who likes them, what they wear, where they live, what they have, etc. Since teenagers are short on personal substance and accomplishments, the external trappings assume a primary role in defining their social status. When they feel that they have failed to measure up to the standards of their peers, their self- esteem suffers a blow that can diminish their ability to cope with life's problems. The following are some indicators of poor or low self-esteem:
Pessimistic outlook on life
Lack of confidence in social skills
Hypersensitivity to the opinions of others
Self-consciousness about appearance, performance or status
A view of other people as competition to beat and not friends to enjoy
A critical and judgmental view of others
Use of anger as a defense to keep from getting hurt
Inability to accept praise
Fear of being alone
A tendency to follow the crowd and avoid independent behavior
Need for lots of structure and external control in life
Although teenagers will make their own choices, a good home life can increase the odds that kids will avoid many of the pitfalls of adolescence. Particularly, a kind, warm, solid relation ship with parents who demonstrate respect for their children, an interest in their children's activities, and set firm boundaries for these activities may directly or indirectly deter criminal activity, illegal drug and alcohol use, negative peer pressure, delinquency, sexual promiscuity and low self-esteem.
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